...We will fight for Love and Glory...

This is my ao3. http://archiveofourown.org/users/inkoandpen/pseuds
I have Gaia fic posted under sweatpantsprincess and Jojo fic posted under inkoandpen.
I take requests, prompts, commissions.
I have a shit ton of writing spread across tumblr too, but it's impossible to track.

(Crossposted from my personal tumblr at http://tokyograndpa.tumblr.com/post/38443911088/in-defence-of-the-duke-a-full-length-character-essay.)
I had seen a disappointing anonymous confession from a Tales Of confession blog on my dash, and went to make a post about it. Originally, this post was small, ending after the /nopes line. Everything else was commentary in the tags. However, I started to post more and more tags, and grew anxious. Tumblr's notorious for cutting tags and erasing them. So, I moved it all under a readmore in the post proper. You can pretty much pinpoint where this transition was because I start looking like I know what I'm talking about and making good points.
I deeply love Tales of Symphonia- it's my favourite game, one of the best I've ever played, and definitely earned its spot as the Top RPG For The Nintendo Gamecube. It has such depth of character, perhaps a depth that can only be understood after replaying it nine times- and given that each playthrough can take anywhere from sixty to one-hundred-and-twenty hours, it can take up a huge chunk of one's life. I grew up with Tales of Symphonia. I've spent years with it. Analysing it, appreciating it, critiquing it. It's a part of me, as are the people in it.
I've not only played the game multiple times, and the laughable sequel, I've also seen the OVA. I've read the manga. I've read translations of Drama CD transcripts. I have done everything short of playing the Japanese-only Tales Of The World and Radiant Mythology games. I flatter myself to think that I understand the nuances of the story.... and of the party members that we so unerringly are treated to. I know them as I know myself. I deeply sympathise with them, their struggles, their joys, their journeys. I've gone through phases of favourites and most-derided, but each of them at least serves some purpose. They may not all be used to their fullest advantage emotionally, but they are there, and it does us little good to wish that they were not. Rather, it is our responsibility to  find their purposes and guide them to those ends, by seeing them for the flawed and hopeful people that they are. I have intimated myself with many things about their lives, because it interests me to do so. I draw on many canon sources in order to present the fullest picture of the happenings of the game. So when I say something, I do hope that I have enough material to fully back it up.
The following is the entirety of my original rambling manifesto, including images and formatting. It is a defensive analysis of the party member Regal (major spoilers ensure) Bryant, and the views that some of the fandom has of it. I adore Regal. He has the most human struggle of the party members, and that's not a race statement. His story is purely personal and emotional; it could be anywhere and any time. Regal and Alicia's tragedy is not tied to the fantasy magitek world of the game, unlike everyone else's- the only indication of society is the class difference that matters so little to them. While I relate to or admire many of the characters for various reasons, Regal's ought to be the easiest to tap into. When people deride him or get him wrong, I take it exceedingly personally. I've always liked him, but it's just grown more and more in the years since I first picked up the game.
So, here; here is what I hope to be the first of many analytical pieces on Regal and the Symphonia cast. (I like writing about them, and drawing out aspects of their character occasionally passed over.)
For your perusal: In Defence of the Duke.

"Remember that post about feeling so sympathetic and defensive for a character that criticism of them makes you really irrationally emotional?

I just felt that feel. Not, as could be assumed, for Colette, but... for Regal.

.../nopes promptly off into the distance, trailing gibberish and spouting pained rhetoric at offending parties

Sorry, but this is a Regal Bryant appreciation blog.

A Regal Bryant appreciation lifestyle, in fact.

And I welcome an open dialogue on the matter, but just actually have criticism and points, okay?
Vague butthurt bashing makes me want to punt a brick through your window and into your asshole while openly weeping. So that's... not really okay with me.

I  don't even think this is the Alicia muse talking right now, this is purely me. I  JUST. CAN'T????? Somebody said that not having Regal would have made room for Kratos to rejoin the party and I just. NO NO NO NO NO KRATOS' ABSENCE WAS ENTIRELY PURPOSEFUL! THEY DIDN'T JUST MAKE REGAL TO FILL UP KRATOS' EMPTY SPACE OKAY???!!! FRICKIN'--

Regal's role in the story? Is showing how someone without direct ties to Cruxis can still have his life fucked up by them. It was to demonstrate the far-reaching effects of their actions.
He needed to be that one really emotional but very human character who isn't a big hero (well he does have big damn hero moments but) and in that very human and very detached capacity still be vengeful and anguished, because the perpetrators of the system are professional life-ruiners. They ruined people's lives.
Presea lost herself, her body and her time because of the crystal they implanted in her- but Regal's life had to go on after being shattered by their actions, and he had to be a broken and shattered human being learning to recover and pick up the pieces.

I'll admit that the game didn't handle that transition well (as they also mishandled the Kratos/Zelos ending nuances), and I won't excuse that. But don't just ignore everything because it suits your needs and because you personally didn't connect with him. Don't say that there was no significance just because it bored you.

Regal, being the last party member, didn't have as much time to develop in the ensemble as he may have needed. By the point we gained him, the plot itself was starting to swing pretty heavily. So it is entirely possible to avoid playing with him. But Gameplay and Story Segregation, people! There are a lot of hints that the battle and gameplay itself do not necessarily reflect the characters and story perfectly.

Despite not having a strong effect on the players, his character has a strong presence in the party. He's the other adult, who babysits the antics of the kids (teens) when they get argumentative or ridiculous. He moderates for Raine when she's involved too heavily, supports her when she needs to get the youths to sit up and buckle down, and offers her his frank cooperation when the going gets tough and danger looms. He pulls his weight with the group; he carries firewood, cooks, sits watch, and offers direction and advice. He mediates problems but doesn't make excuses for anyone; he avoids making trouble at all costs, even when it means bringing mutual information out into the open (see: Zelos). To Genis he humbles himself deeply, and they eventually begin to bond over their shared intellectualism, love of food, and mutual desire to protect Presea. For Presea he also humbles himself, desiring nothing more than to contribute any resource at his disposal to pay her back for her suffering. Regal even breaks into the life of our beloved hero, Lloyd Irving, who notably has the option to tell the esteemed and disgraced Duke that he sees him as another replacement father figure. (...Lloyd really racks those up.)

I think a lot of people are upset by what a drama queen he seems to be. I was as well for years, but then it hit me: Regal makes a big deal about taking responsibility for Alicia because he's never done that before. Responsibility for Alicia was tied intrinsically to his taking responsibility for anyone else.

As el Presidante, privileged to the highest echelons of Tethe'allan nobility and holding dominion over all of the Lezereno Company's workers and properties, he has a great deal of responsibility over people's lives. But he had never actually paid attention to that before or taken it into account before Alicia. Various things in Drama CDs and other material describe his dictator of a father, and the way that Regal was meant to expand and carry on the company as his heir- and, in doing so, reveal information about a potential worker uprising due to poor treatment and other factors. Regal seeing Alicia as a person was a turning point in his emotional and his professional life, as it opened his eyes to the conflict surrounding his business and the people whose lives he had the capability to affect.

As we all know, the chance to affect social change and marry his sweetheart was denied to him. His right hand man, George, mistook his intentions for Alicia Combatir, and broke their relationship apart behind Regal's back. Alicia was given to the Exsphere trader Vharley, where her body was tested for the ability to raise the Cruxis Crystals that Presea took to so successfully. However, Alicia's body rejected the crystal. Just as Regal was learning of George's betrayal, Alicia's body was painfully transformed, and her mind lost. Regal, paralysed by his love for Alicia, struggled with her dying wish to be killed by his hand.

He struggled because, as stated in out-of-game material, she was the first person he felt a genuine emotional attachment to. She was the first servant who had acted out of her station and treated him as a person. He had at first seen that as an oddity, a curiosity, but so grew to enjoy her presence in his life that he could not bear the thought of living without her. It was a huge loss when she died- not only did he lose a trusted friend and lover, but he lost his FIRST friend and lover, the one person who had drastically changed his worldview. Imagine Zelos losing Lloyd, in a way, but different. Regal and Alicia shared YEARS together- and were beginning to realise that they could continue to share years together.

Regal wasn't just obsessed with Presea because she was the last tie to Alicia. Before Alicia's death, Regal had surprised her with a promise to take her to visit her family back in Ozette, a family she hadn't seen for six years or something. Regal was going to ask Steig if it would be permissible for him to marry Alicia and have her live with him permanently. (Since Alicia originally came to work for the Bryant household because she was sending money home to pay for Steig's healing, this trip served more purposes than just a dowry visit.) Alicia had begun telling Regal about her family, and about her sister Presea (who in at least one version had stopped writing letters which worried Alicia deeply. might have been the manga). Seeing Presea gave Regal the chance to fulfill his promise to Alicia, and reach fuller closure.

Closure and perspective are the keys to the gate of character development that our universally-beloved Kratos Aurion did not manage to catch. At the end of the game, Regal Bryant has sworn to remove the physical ties to his grief and has taken Presea Combatir's desires as his new mission in life. He is determined to put the lifestyle of wallowing in sorrow, regret, and self-hate behind him- and look to the future of the world, taking perspective and finding emotional self-purpose as Alicia would have wanted him to.
On the flipside? The fallen angel Kratos, even in the ending allotted for his characterisation, is still unable to come to terms with the loss of Anna and speak to his son. He is still running away from his emotions, shutting out how the tragedy affected him, which I personally think is worse than wallowing in his feelings. Kratos can't even say a proper goodbye or apology to Lloyd- he maintains contact with his old sometimes-enemy Yuan, but not with his own son. A son that can be called the father of the new world order and has earned his birth father's pride tenfold over.
I'm just saying that by the end of the game, Regal was in an emotional vantage point where if he had a son, he could handle it in a healthy manner. Not so with Kratos. So saying that Kratos had a better arc.... Are we even playing the same game? They're both redonkulously hot older men with angsty dead girlfriend backstories, so that can't be part of it. I wish I knew why there was a sudden fanbase rivalry. Whatever.

The other character arc comparison I want to briefly touch upon again here is Zelos. Regal and Zelos both deal with strong themes of responsibility, learning to develop intersocial affection and self-worth, and learning to use social clout positively while developing as individuals. They just happen to show this arc at different stages. Almost a sort of before and after, if that helps. I didn't realise how much they had in common until writing this, although it's obvious that they share social background and upbringing and are the most capable of speaking frankly with each other. (Also, as has been duly noted by others, they make for really hot smut.) So... yeah. I don't know how much writing has been done comparing them, but here's looking forward to more!

I just put this post into Microsoft Word for a lark, and I've got four pages and over sixteen-and-a-half-hundred words here.

. . .

I don't know either.

I just don't know.
My ask is always open, people."

(Originally posted on December 21, 2012, at 12:08 AM.)

This piece was relatively well-received on tumblr (twenty-three notes at the time of posting, with multiple approving responses), and I was asked to share it to my more abandoned blogging platforms- Dreamwidth and Livejournal. I may also branch out and crosspost the rest of my Symphonia analyses, though I can only think of a worthwhile handful of them atm.
Well, that's enough of me.

Usually, when I join a new fandom, I educate myself about it.

Tales of Symphonia has a direct sequel? Better play it!

Slayers has scanlated manga? Let me read them!

Negima comes in awesome manga and two anime flavours? Have at it with glee!


This is not the case with new anime+ fandom Tears To Tiara.

(Because it hurts my heart.)

I’m not touching the game, not with a six-and-a-half-foot pole. Because I’m not into eroge and I’m not putting up with that shit just to get a more nuanced view of the plot and characters.

And that makes me rage so hard.

Why does everything have to be ruined by sex? Why?!

Can it at least not be automatically ruined by sex, if it must be included? I read the TV Tropes page, and am really repulsed by how much the events and characters revolve around giving Arawn sex.
Like. He’s not even that hot. Dude.

(And nobody’s informed me of gay options, even though it is WAY obvious that he has better chemistry with all the male characters thank you very much.)

Maybe that’s the problem- the real problem with eroge as I see it is that the relationships are so rarely developed, and especially in a satisfying way. The player has to be tricked into thinking that there is a worthy emotional connection. And to me, it seems that it would just be better to make the characters want less of an emotional connection, because my disbelief can’t be suspended to the degree it needs to for that shit to fly. Either make the characters experience things that make their relationships as high-stakes as we’re meant to believe they are, or just… make them types of people who don’t need a huge emotional connection.

Same goes for harem anime.

Maybe it’s part of the moe girl archetype that I don’t quite get? Devotion and openness being handed on a platter to characters who haven’t really worked for it, just because someone pressed their buttons right. It seems boring to me, but not only that it’s just offensively easy! Such a ‘writer-said-so’ cop-out!

In Harvest Moon, which legit is my most extensive experience with dating sim games because I can’t put up with anything else, even if you give the right gifts it still takes time as well as items and heart events to marry someone. And even if it doesn't take much real time, the games have very clearly stated amounts of time that pass, days and years and years. (Also there is no sex.)

And especially in harem anime, this is just kicked to the damn curb. If I had a buck for every accidental or unwanted engagement-type thing I’ve seen in anime, I could get a new wig already! And it’s only rarely explored- that’s just about always up to the fandom to do (Kyou Kara Maou is a great example in several ways; and Ranma 1/2 has the revolutionary idea of the fiancees not wanting each other initially in the show itself, bless its face, which offers the chance for the show itself to share a variety of moments in the development). If the series is unable to attract the kind of fanbase needed to unlock its potential, then it should have been done differently.

In harem anime, people attach themselves to the main character regardless of whether or not there is any real reason to. There is sometimes a superficial reason, like “he saved me” or “only I can defeat you” or “I wanna tap that”, but more often than not there’s little reason at all aside from the writers making them join the party, and even less rarely an in-character or story-relevant reason for suddenly hanging out with the protagonist.
That indicates a status of plot device, not character! And it’s just rare that someone gets to expand on that status and upgrade to relateable or interesting character (as happens to varying degrees in aforementioned rom-com fighting series Ranma 1/2).

Since I keep harping on Ranma 1/2, let me take a moment to analyse the way it approaches harem anime (bear with me). I’ve never read the manga, by the way, so correct me where I’m wrong.
It’s a pretty old series, manga and anime both. Given that, it’s not susceptible to a lot of present-day tropes that have taken hold culturally.

Ranma 1/2 starts off with the now-cliched unwanted and unknown childhood engagement between martial arts experts-in-training Akane and Ranma- ostensibly because of their fathers’ friendship, though that concept is rebuffed as the series goes on. Akane, while not a classic man-hater ala St Lobelia Academy, definitely doesn’t think as highly of males in general (and, had Ranma not changed back, probably would have been kind of okay with the marriage. I ship that, by the way, because Akane had the most chemistry with him in that situation).

Akane and Ranma are both opposed to the idea of an arranged marriage, and come into their relationship with the expectation that they will not consummate it. Akane already has and continues to have suitors pursuing her, for her headstrong personality, for her amazing martial arts skills, and probably for her good looks as well. Ranma also has a variety of alternate matches, ranging from new flames to Akane’s enemies to people that his father sold his future to in order to make up debts.
One more thing: Ranma’s under a curse that makes him turn into a woman under certain circumstances. So someone who’s fighting him one minute might be pursuing him the next, and vice versa, which obviously multiplies his potential matches.
Both of the main protagonists, while ultimately ending up with each other, are offered multiple alternative romances, and it is for this reason that I use it as an example of harem anime- because each of them builds up a full harem of pursuers.

Here’s where it stops fitting the description: their harems are, in a stunning turn of events, built from the people that find them attractive, rather than the motherly type and the lolita and the bottle fairy and the sexually repressed kuudere and the unnecessarily violent tsundere and the domestic yamato nadeshiko and the obnoxious kawaiikko and the clumsy apologetic dojikko and…… yeah.
You see the difference? A harem comedy is essentially a domestic comedy, where the entertainment value relies on watching everyone interact because of their different personalities. And the entertainment is drawn from watching everyone’s personalities (or boobs/lack thereof in FAR TOO many cases) try to interact with the main character. (The main character, if you haven’t figured out, is typically male.)

While Ranma 1/2 also bills itself as a fighting anime, the fighting is used for comedy just as often as anything else, and is in fact less realistic than the romance on many occasions.

Many harem shows have a background plot to them. Zero No Tsukaima has aristocratic politicking and racism against elves and in fact a war that takes away a main character as a soldier for an entire season. Demon King / Daimaoh is about a guy who wants to avert his destiny of destruction and become a high priest of righteousness while struggling with enemies at his magic school. Tears To Tiara is about how the Gallic wars represent a wider rebellion of humanity against unjust creators, with an emphasis on making your destiny what you want it to be and rising above yourself for your people and humanity.

Can you tell any of this?
No.
You can’t tell any of this, because Saito likes breasts too much and has no tact and is an idiot. Or whatever-his-name-is likes butts and has no tact and is an idiot. Or Arawn is an accidental sex magnet who enjoys himself too much and can’t put his foot down and focus.

Maybe my real problem is how often intriguing fantasy-world politics are interrupted by sexy hijinks.

Mahou Sensei Negima is another example of doing a harem series right, because it manages to follow story threads and backstory to their resolution while informing the reader, so it doesn’t get interrupted.
Because it’s interesting, the girls all develop well as characters away from Negi, the relationship antics don’t interfere with the plot or worldbuilding, and there’s like comparatively zero emphasis on breasts (though the pantsu problem leaves something to be desired and not in a hot way).
Maybe, most importantly, because the character archetypes aren’t dating archetypes, they’re character role archetypes (warrior, lady knight, circus girl, ojou, vampiress, robot who develops emotion, straight man of the group who criticises the antics, white priestess, witch, sorceress, artist, book-lover).
I know that Negima developed the way it did by accident, because the mangaka wanted to make a magical boy series but the executives wanted another hit harem comedy. And I still think that it’s the best of both worlds, and a great example.

Perhaps it tells us that harem series need to be the secondary genre (as that’s what it became and is why it was successful).

If Familiar of Zero was primarily a fantasy-action series, I wouldn’t be interviewing people who felt alienated by the gratuitous fanservice- I would be interviewing people who were pleased with the way the show answered questions about magic and muggles and Guiche’s time away and Tabitha’s entire backstory, and also thought that Saito’s choice between Louise and Siesta was interesting to develop.

If Tears To Tiara was primarily a fantasy-action series, and just flat-out erased the needless harem characters/engagements/emphasis on sexy or moe appeal…
It would be my favourite series of anything ever. Literally speaking.
And I would have no trouble expanding my understanding of the universe.
And I would champion it. Everywhere.

…I guess that’s my full range of thoughts on the matter. My full range of rants at the moment.

Any thoughts? How can I develop my views more clearly? Disagreements?

From tumblr:

tumblr

hi

hi tumblr

how are you.

I’ve been away for a month-and-almost-a-half now.

I was in a play. It was really good and I liked it and I was a lead and apparently it was actually really good. c:

I was busy doing research and figuring and rehearsals and things, but. That’s over now. We finished up today. And I couldn’t even get closure with the final strike because we got kicked out so they could have auditions.

But it was an experience that has really moved me. And a play that pushed my buttons so hard. And castmates that affected me personally. And a totally fucking sweet director. And the staging was guh.

All of my feels.

So I’m sad and depressed as fuck right now because I fell in love with this play like uuuggggggghhhhh and burning and I’m back on tumblr to try and fill the void with distraction.

hi.

From facebook to myself:

Note: I *DO NOT CARE* what ya'll say, I felt a genuine connection to this play and the experience of being able to work as a part of it. And I don't personally think it's stupid that I keep crying, because the show and character were really meaningful to me. The excitement I had when I first heard about the show, got to audition, was cast, and started work has not died at all, and I am honestly grieving now that it's done. This play pushed all of my buttons and I'm sorry it's over. I don't care if you- yes, you, pms or no- have ever had an experience like this, but you know what? Despite my pretentions, I'm grateful and dedicated and emotionally touched by my experience. And I'd rather have that than trying too hard any day.

From facebook to others:

Pretty damn good Winter Shorts Festival. The excitement I had when I first heard about the Commedia, got to audition, was cast, and started work stayed to the very end. This play pushed all of my buttons and I am truly sorry that it's over. It's been a pleasure, and I really don't care that this totally sounds like a eulogy.

Assorted tweets:

I am so fucking depressed right now.

I want cuddles. ;n; And I really REALLY don't ever decide that.

This show has been fucking bad for my intimacy issues, because I've been thrown out of my comfort zone and now I don't know where it is.

I want to say goodbye, dammit. I want closure. I have been just living and breathing this whole mythos for a month.
What do I do with myself now?

And the worst part is that I'm still probably going to keep having awkward and uncomfortable dreams even though it's all done. Guh,

I'm never going to get the chance to really explore what about this made me tick, either. Nobody wants to stay with me for hours and talk.

And there's just so *much* to say. I can't possibly express all of my feels.

I. Have to go to school tomorrow.

(This is discounting all of my passive-aggressive tsundere tweets from two weeks ago, which just make me sad to reread. ;^;)

Other thoughts:

I know how at the end of the other Commedia I had a whole thing about Never again. Never again to hear the snap crackle pop of our collective rice krispies was the final line of that spiel.
And, I can't do that again. I can't do something like that. Because every time I want to start, I get overwhelmed instantly. And I don't have people willing or capable enough to help me work through my shit in an organized manner. And that's a bad thing.

I feel really really deadinside angsty sad. I think I need sleep, but I would just sit up thinking and crying and thinking if I tried to go to bed.

I really REALLY want to go do some research to stave off the feels, but I dunno where to start. Cry.

It hurts. I was really attached to this play. I remember first reading parts of it and hearing about it a year ago and being really fucking excited. I remember hearing about the festival lineup and thinking it would be the sole redeeming play. I remember how fucking excited I was for auditions, and how impossibly freaking-out glad I was when I was told I was cast.
I've spent the past month worrying, dreaming, and doing copious amounts of starry-eyed research.
It hurts to let go of it. It pushed all of my buttons and I don't WANT to let go.
Also there's no closure and I didn't say goodbye to anyone. And some things are irreversible- like one of the studio minicelebs and I are no longer friends, I believe.

Because he's a touchy hypocrite who was on his manperiod and delt with his stress by singling me out to bitch out. I'd been forwarned that he's a raging drama queen when he's tense, but the sheer levels of 'oh it's like THAT is it' just. All over. I don't even. It's not my problem, I'm not dealing with it.

I did. I don't even know HOW, I feel as if I did very little, but I was pulled aside by friends and strangers and idols after every show and told how amazing I was.

It was an amazing play, I'm deeply in love with it and the experience and privilage of working on it for a REASON.

Crazy shit. All over. Ugh.

I want to stuff my binder under my pillow and sleep with it,
even though I know I promised myself I'd use it for class when the show let out. I don't think I could, now- it would feel disrespectful, and it would just keep bringing the feels back, and I don't have anywhere else to keep 85 looseleaf pages besides!

All the songs are going through my head. Hell, LINES are going through my head, *naturally* only because I can no longer make use of that!

I want to reread the tv tropes commedia page. Hell, I want to reread the dissertation! ;A; That hellish, hellish, awesome, crazy paper. I want to reread everything. I want to reread all of the wikipedia pages. I want to read all of the things. I feel all of the hurt.

Holy shit.
I can't look at gay subtext without this play coming up in my thoughts. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED.
If I can't look at gay subtext, my life means nothing. ;A;

I think that Sara was wrong when she said that I'm over-obsessing again. I mean, I'm pretty familiar with that feeling, and it's not like that. It's not like I do this every time a play I'm in finishes. :\
I just REALLY wanted to be in this one!... and then I was. And I'm not anymore and it's over and I am no longer in it because it finished. DUN WANNA BREAK TIES ;A;

So, this is my first week back at uni, and with that comes one thing.
No, not schoolwork. Silly.
INTERNET.

Not that I didn't have internet at home, mind. I just had all of my games to distract.
(By which I mean constant level-grinding, of pokemon and chao and cyframes and TOS GRADE...)
(Though now that I mention it, it occurs that the level-grinding is only half of what I've been doing- I've also been doing fucktonnes of research, on RPGs and on Commedia dell'Arte, but more on that in a moment. So, in this way I have been using the internet, not to mention the inevitable tv tropes readdiction for the new project my sister and I started. I just haven't been on any blogging sites or social networking or or anything like that; no tumblr or facebook, very little twitter, no dw or lj...)
But, more importantly, I've also been spending my time on something else: REHEARSALS.

Yes, I'm in a play again! Ah, what a wonderful feeling it is. I've been falling apart waiting to meet with the wardrobe head over it, but sometimes in life we just have to wait for things, yes?
The best part is yet to come though- I have a lead.
A lead. Me!
A lead.
I have one.

It's called Commedia dell Smartass, and is yet another modern-day take on the forms and themes of Commedia Dell'Arte tradition, which I have yet again gone rather apeshit studying. Though, unlike Of Widows And Vegetables, the cast is playing high-schoolers, and also there's only four of us.
Yeah, only four people in the production. It's hard not to be a lead in such a small ensemble, and frankly I'd be the first to admit that my character is probably the most easily dropped from the story. But? I still have the best character. (And, like Widows, I'm playing this fourth-wall-breaking meta character that was assigned to me on first sight, and I am most often complemented onstage by A Cute Guy who has strong physicality and light curly hair. Commedias are the best and I will never have as much fun being in a production as I do in these I SWEAR.)

Where was I?

Let me begin at the beginning, I suppose. I'd gotten the list of plays for the Winter Shorts Festival, which is a two-weekend show of various one-act plays that have been selected by the staff for students and friends of the Drama Studio to partake in.
The shows were almost entirely student-written this year (the Commedia being the exception), and were.... pretty fucking lacklustre, actually. It turns out that one of them is more fun than previously expected, but this is still not shaping up to be a very impressive festival, all things considered.
I still went to audition. I don't know what I was expecting, only that I knew about the Commedia by mention of my teacher last year, and I knew there was a Clown character in it. So I was pretty fucking excited, actually, because it is just impossible to comprehend my adoration of theatre Clowning tradition and and and fooling (especially Shakespearean fooling, which I have observed *_* and want like burning) and and commedia and and cursing teenagers, man.
Uguu.

So I get into the auditions, and the director is like "you, read Girl Scout and you, be Clown" and I was just like "YESS" and we went up.
The audition piece we did was Girl Scout's White House monologue, and my job was to use mime and physicality to respond to and punctuate her plans.
I had about two mimes that were explosively successful, seeing as how every single person in the room burst out laughing, and the rest was strung together by constant involvement and my overall physicality (THANK YOU, movement training! boohyah!). My sister jokingly insisted that she'd sue if I didn't get the part, so overall I'm imagining I did quite well.

And then the email came that yes, in fact I DID get the part, and not only that but I'd be cast against a couple of people that I adore. RM, who is a great friend of my sister and who I'd done a nice intense family scene with in a class last year, and SO, who's a guy that I very much appreciate and admire and am on pretty good terms with. (There was also SM, but he's a newbie, so none of us knew him. Yet.) We later picked up TM as a stage manager (which is good, because we all love him and miss him and also he goes to my college and stuff), and with our director MP (I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting him yet, but I was about to) we were good to go!

The read-through went well, we got along great and made plenty of wisecracks. Also SO and MP showed off the Pokemon cards that they keep in their wallets. DID I MENTION I LIKE MY GROUP OKAY. Our director has a motherfucking HOLOGRAPHIC ANCIENT MEW OKAY, FUCKYEAH. In his WALLET.
Fuckin' love these guys.
And, of course, every single one of us has more than the average passing knowledge of Pokemon, because we are all the very best. 8D Like no one ever fucking was.
And we made SM share facts about himself as a penalty because he was late, and also because he was a total stranger to us.
As we got farther on in the play, it dawned on us that this was a heavy play. This was an intense play. This was a raunchy play. This was, as the secretary noted, a Dirty Play. This was not a play to invite kids to. It has about every thing you can think of to incense a parent, and some you didn't!
And it is glorious.

I mean, not only that, but it has pretty much everything a play could or should have! Fights, dances, kisses, stripping, music, a dream sequence, a clown, strong character arcs, love triangles, slapstick, swords, vulnerable character moments, drunkenness, and an obscured storyline whose facts are slowly revealed in the grand conclusion scene. VERY satisfying show to be a part of, and I'm immensely gratified to be able to participate.
(It's definitely better written than Widows, though it doesn't draw its humour from witty dialogue in the same way, so there's something. One point to the zucchini!)

The cast and characters of Commedia Dell Smartass as we know them are as follows.

Henry: The everyman. The Arthur Dent. A sarcastic loser with an alcoholic mother whose greatest dream is to just get to college already. Arguably plays the role of commedia's Arlecchino (or Harlequin to you plebes), and yet arguably is too much of a Sane Man to be any archetype. We're playing up the geeky side of him, with nigh-excessive Pokemon and Star Wars, which is of course wicked fun. SO is much more toned-down in this role than I'm used to... buuut that just because I'm used to him being the de facto leader of the comedy improv troupe, and his past couple roles included a foppish airheaded prince and Peter Pan. So really, anything would be more toned-down. XD But good for him, I say. The kid's thinking about applying to fucking Julliard and you know what? I believe he could handle it. ...He should still step off and let the director direct us though, and spend more time learning his lines than being a frazzled almost-diva. And I kinda don't even care that he might hate me by this point. But hey.

Fencer: Il Capitano, and I'll challenge any who say otherwise. His commedia role is absolutely non-negotiable. If you know anything about Commedia Dell'Arte characters, that should be enough information already, but just in case you don't I'll summarise- a swaggering narcissistic 'jock' who vainly pursues a love interest he'll never end up with. This incarnation though, I must say is far more savvy and manipulative than is typical for the archetype, as has been noted. He's the driving action, and it's his plan that we see unfold. SM plays him, and as it's the first time I've seen him there isn't terribly much I can say. Though I will note that despite being a generally charming fellow, the guy just canNOT read lines. ;A; I want to call him out for being an awful public speaker, but I'm hoping he'll improve enough in time? It's speaking to quickly, slurring lines, and not enunciating clearly. He's also clumsy as all hell, and I jibe him incessantly for the sheer magnitude of times he's hurt himself during this production. (And because he makes me tsuntsun, for no reason whatsoever.) Not to mention that he's rather a terrible kisser- and as the level of cute that he is decreases, the level of desiring to castrate him with the damn foil for not having some strong mint chewing gum increases! And he should stop fucking slobbering, it's like becoming not even worth it to watch him... practice. And he's an ass about SO being a moment killer for his kiss, but then turns around and forgets that his next line is to kiss me. To say nothing of the history arguments we've gotten into...

Girl Scout (aka Girl Guide XD): Her name is revealed to be Sheila, which is important because I have this *thing* about named characters and only she and Henry receive names. She's pretty much commedia's Colombina, not really up for dispute either, in temperament as much as in role. The Girl Scout is an ambitious overachiever, plucky and dedicated. She doesn't socialise much because of all the time she spends working, either selling cookies or volunteering at a substance abuse centre. She starts off as rather a paragon of virtue, but of course every character must be robbed of their innocence in a commedia. At least with Sheila, she steps off her pedestal herself- though she is given a bit of a push, as I think she discovers. Sheila is played by RM, who in our eyes I think follows her character's path. At least, everyone's considered her to be the most mature and reserved, and working with or watching her in this play can shake your conceptions of her if you know her. The kissing is part of that- girl kisses every single character, which I think is still a feat even though there's only four of us. Also the flipping the bird. And the drinking. (We've together lamented how the dance teacher's daughters may never see us the same way again, if they come to see the show. We've also together lamented how little we want to kiss SM again.) I like her, and I'm really enjoying the time we're getting to spend together and I'm glad that we've become friends. Nice girl, funny, thinks I'm funny, good to know her. ^^ Such a bro-sis.

Clown: And at last we come to the best part. I was given hints of the later commedia's beloved Pierrot, and the research I've accumulated has only reinforced that assumption tenfold. Clown is not only the most visually entertaining character in the show, and imo the most fun to play (though perhaps not by much XD), but Clown provides the biggest source of audience surprise in the whole show. And that is awesome. Frankly, you can tell the Clown is the best character because I can describe everyone else really well without dropping too-massive spoilers for them. And Clown? Not so much. You may notice that I have not yet referred to Clown with a pronoun. This is because I'm not sure of gender, mostly if Clown is trans* or not. A girl who is referred to with male pronouns by peers and binds her breasts (scripted!)- but is also a VERY active performing artist and mime who doesn't speak, even to correct wrong opinions. So it could go either way. (Also, due to multiple ways of playing each the kisses with Girl Scout and Fencer, sexuality is just as easy to reinterpret as gender identity.) I am personally playing the Clown as a female, because that makes sense to me, but if someone asked my opinion of the character, I'm not sure that's what I would say... There's a lot I'm not sure about, considering I decided to make up some backstory for her (such as that she, like myself, has no problems with portraying a male and sees the value of breastbinding in everyday life. Also that her ~meaningful~ name is Petra Deburau.)
The facts of the matter, however, are such: Clown dresses like a froofy commedia valet Clown every day, a fact which is not unnoticed by high-school peers; Clown does not speak, except in mime, a language in which s/he is very proficient; Clown watches local community Little League baseball games on Friday nights, and also plenty of TV, like a normal kid; Clown prides 'her'self on being a good listener and secret-keeper, and is not afraid to tease people who forget that s/he doesn't talk; Clown has a full water pistol in 'her' schoolbag, and can easily be said to keep other good silly props with her for maximum clowning; Clown likes making people laugh, takes joy in bringing people entertainment, and considers it 'her' way of making the world easier; Clown likes attention; Clown has personal space issues, physically as well as emotionally, and doesn't like people prying into 'her' life or stealing 'her' hat; s/he has a big loneliness complex that is superficially offset by 'her' best friend, Girl Scout; and s/he has a huge weird onesided crush on 'her' bully/abuser, Fencer. (My director made her ringtone for him Bad Romance, and I actually agree with this decision strongly. XD)
Guys. Guys Clown is best of all bests and and and guys. Guys. ;3;

So yeah.

Clown is a new experience for me as an actor, for a few reasons.
1) It's really been ages since I last managed to connect with a character I played, especially like this.
2) I have never bound my chest.
3) I have never been stripped in public to the degree that people would be able to tell or not, especially in a sanctum for minors like the studio.
4) I have never stripped/been stripped.
5) I have also never been kissed.
6) I have never kissed a girl.
7) I have never kissed a boy.
8) I have never had so much 'screentime' and audience attention without any lines before.
9) I have never had the chance to tap into my freewheeling theatrical movement nature before.
10) I have never actually done mime.
11) I have never been able to be this successful at making people laugh before.
...Also 12) I have never shattered a prop in half before, or into three parts, though that's more an accidental pair of Crowning Moment of Awesome, resulting in high-fives and apologies (and a reward-for-badassery-hug? from SM) (and splinters in my hand, which led to more unnecessary tsuntsun from me towards him because that is just how I tend to roll 8|).


I... Guess that my remaining thoughts on the show are just about the production members, aha, the dick jokes, and more about the experience of working with them all in crunch time, and that's not really relevant. So.
I think that the story had a good beginning, but we're still rehearsing and I don't have an ending yet.

AND that's how I've been spending my time!

So the new livejournal layout makes me ugggh. In response, I'm coming back to dreamwidth! Hi, dreamwidth!
It has its own problems, of course, but it also has a lot of what I like about classic lj.

About me: I'm a 19 year old theatre major. I have been going to anime conventions for the last six years. I spend most of my time on the internet. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm a history buff, I adore reading, I love simulation games and action-adventure RPGS, and I hate working with others. I have a huge sweet tooth. I like musicals and jrock, speaking of my tastes. I like puns. I like thunderstorms and the season of spring. I hate cold weather and love animals. I am Jewish, but an atheist. I'm straight and asexual, though not aromantic, and have a healthy understanding of my own experiences with sexuality. I like folktales and fairytales, and sometimes come up with re-imaginings of them. I also love Disney, though that does not mean I'm blind to its flaws. My three biggest fandoms are Axis Powers Hetalia, Tales of Symphonia, and Pokemon. I enjoy walls of text, editing written works, children's cartoons, historical fashion. I'm passive-aggressively resigned to being forever alone, but it's the forever lonely part that sucks. My questionable mental health is a large contributor to that.